Are You Smarter than a Toddler?

Well, I’m not!  I thought about saying “Are you smarter than a 5^th grader”, but they aren’t smarter than toddlers either.  Watching our little grandson, Drayton, is teaching me some big lessons.

His only mission in life is to play and learn while he’s playing. His work is his play. That’s the life we all should have!  He learned to walk just a couple of months ago and he continues to delight in every little accomplishment.  He loves to walk around holding something his hand and he does this all day long, just because he can.  It doesn’t matter that he’s done this dozens of times before. Each time is a cause for celebration. 

What would my life look like if I celebrated every little accomplishment so thoroughly?  I can see it now.  Hurray, I cooked breakfast!  Wow, I went to the grocery store and didn’t forget anything… let’s pop the champagne cork.  Al would think I was crazy I’m sure, my daughter would roll her eyes, and that lady behind me in the grocery store checkout would be looking for the security guard.  But hey, I think it would feel pretty good and I’m going to try it.

My cute little grandson eats whenever he wants. He tries any kind of new food you give him, but if he doesn’t like it, he just spits it out and moves on.  Unfortunately, if a grownup tried that in a restaurant, people would look at you funny.  So, I guess I should use some caution there.  This a very relevant lesson for me right now because chemotherapy changes the way my food tastes.  The other day, I fixed a salad with ranch dressing.  It’s a recipe I make frequently and it’s one of my favorites.  I put a big ol’ fork full of that salad in my mouth and much to my surprise, the dressing tasted like weak coffee!  Now I like coffee, but cold coffee on lettuce… not so much.  So I just didn’t eat it. (BTW – Al jumped up and made me some scrambled eggs, which tasted just fine.  I have the greatest guy in the world!) I’ve cut almost all bread and sugar from my diet, but if my stomach feels weird and all I want is starchy food and bread, the Toddler’s Guide to the Universe says that’s OK!

Drayton always prioritizes play over all else in his life.  Man, I need to put that lesson to work in my life.  How many times have I failed to take time to do something fun because I need to finish the laundry, or pay a bill, or fulfill a request from a family member.  Think of the hours and hours of fun and learning I have missed in favor of doing mundane tasks.  While I can’t exactly stop all chores, (let’s face it, someone else does this little guy’s laundry) I can make “having fun” a higher priority and let some of those daily chores just wait.  The Keebler Elves are not going to show up and do the laundry for me, so I can rest assured that it will be waiting for me later, after I’ve taken time to have some fun.

My “little man” is a smile machine.  He smiles at the drop of a hat.  It doesn’t take an incredibly funny joke or an extraordinary emotional moment for him to smile.  He smiles when he sees a familiar face and he really smiles when he sees his own face.  He smiles when he hears a song he likes or when he picks up a toy.  He smiles when he grabs his toes or when he sees anything new.  On the principle that the right feelings follow right actions, I’m going to devote myself to smiling more.  If I smile at the drop of a hat, the positive feelings will follow. Smile!

How on earth do these little ones sleep so soundly?  When little Drayton is out, he is dead to the world.  The other day, we took him with us to a restaurant and he passed out in car just as we drove into the parking lot.  Al picked him up and carried him into the noisy crowded room. The music, the voices, and the jostling of the crowd had no effect on him. He stayed draped on Al’s shoulder like a sack of potatoes and never heard a sound. How does he do that?  I think it’s because he’s tired from all that fun and not tired from worry or stress.  One of my goals is to sleep like that little angel.  I’m using meditation and guided imagery to help with that, but I still have a lot to learn. So, if you see me in a restaurant, face down on the table, don’t worry.  I’m not allowed to have alcohol, so I can’t be drunk.  Just be happy for me, because that means I played all day, have no stress, and I’ve mastered the art of having a good nap.

We have started a campaign to raise money in support of an early cancer detection research project called Nanomagnetic Relaxometry. Read more about this project on our Texas Thru My Back Door blog or click the button below

Mind over Matter

Wow, there’s nothing to compare to the experience of hearing the words “you have cancer”. It’s hard to absorb.  Your brain screams, “But I thought I was healthy. I’m too young for this. I feel fine.  How can this be true?” It’s hard to hear the reassuring words about advances in treatments.  Your life is instantly divided into two segments, B.C. (before cancer), and A.D. (after diagnosis).

For me, the sense that my life was no longer under my own control was a huge issue.  Now, anyone who’s ever raised children has learned that thinking you actually have control over your own life is nothing but an illusion.  But still, I’m pretty fond of that illusion. This definitely put that sense of security, false though it may be, in jeopardy. That feeling of a lack of control leads to fear and a clear sense that the situation is overwhelming.  The whirlwind of tests and doctor’s appointments does not help the situation feel more manageable.

Fortunately, I have a lot of positive things going for me that have really helped bring things back to a more manageable state, allowing me to move forward in a positive and very productive way. The biggest thing has to be the support of my loving partner in life, Al.  He knows me well and knows that my math/science nerd brain needs lots of data to make sense of the world. He did tons of internet searching to find the latest treatment options for my particular type of breast cancer and gave me only the data that I needed to make decisions.  I found that if I looked online myself, I would zero in on the negatives. Having a partner do the searching was a huge win.  He is my coach, my supporter, my friend and counselor… I could go on and on.  We settled for the obvious choice in the Houston area, the M.D. Anderson Cancer Center.

Much of my 30+ years in the computer industry was focused on technical crisis management for large enterprise customer.  I knew that getting the customer to participate in the problem resolution gave the customer back the sense of control they needed in times of crisis and helped move things along in a positive direction.  Here too, Al’s research and the help of others paid off as we began to explore mind/body techniques to help in this fight. 

Our bodies have a tremendous capacity for self-healing.  Now that does not mean that conventional western medicine is bad, but in the case of cancer, you need all the help you can get.  I personally found some of the self -healing material by Andrew Weil to be very helpful, but there are lots of others and I’m reading books from a variety of sources. The power of prayers, meditation, guided imagery and other similar mind/body techniques have well documented success in assisting in managing symptoms and promoting healing. 

For me, these things are working.  I have a positive attitude and I am completely confident of a cure at the end of this road.  I feel empowered to promote my own healing and work with the chemotherapy, surgery, radiation, etc. to kick this issue to the curb.  In my reading I ran across a thought that stuck with me.   Basically the philosophy is that disease is not good or bad, disease is a message from your body that something needs to change.  Well, message received.   I’m not a powerless victim of cancer.  I’m a person who has received a message.  I understand the message and I’m taking action. 

I want to write about what I’m learning as I focus on removing stress from my life, making changes in diet/exercise, and learning to cope with treatment side effects.  I also plan to share information on the tremendous research being done right now to find and cure cancer at stages so early that there is little or no effect on healthy cells in the body.

For me mind over matter is the key.  The great minds of cancer researchers, the great minds of my friends and family as they help me through this rough patch of life, and the great power of my own mind to create changes in my life that will ensure success.  So my first equation for life is:

Mind

               > cancer

Matter

A note to my family and friends: Feel free to remind me of this as my hair falls out! I’m sounding pretty brave here, but rocking the hairless Chihuahua look is going to be a bummer.


Al has started a campaign to raise money in support of an early cancer detection research project called Nanomagnetic Relaxometry. Read more about this project on our Texas Thru My Back Door blog or click the button below